Monday, November 3, 2008

If Only - Part 2

Ajay still looked at the flower that had fallen on his head some years back when he was praying in the temple. He had realized that he had got his message. Sometimes nature has strange ways to tell you things and only intelligence and a belief in God can make you decode them.
He opened the letter Nazia had sent him some years back.
Dear Ajay
“ I really don’t know what to say. I sometimes feel Iam the most unfortunate woman on this earth. Your love for me was something that only happens in fairy tales. I also love you alot Ajay. But life has some different plans for me I guess. I have divorced my husband and we no longer stay together, but I have two kids who are my life for me now. Life is sometimes an ordeal when there is no man in your life but you have live with that. My kids are my source of inspiration and strength and Iam living only because of them. You know Ajay I have made two big mistakes of my life, 1: saying to No to you and 2: marrying a wrong guy. Pranav initially was a nice guy but soon after marriage he changed, he used to beat me at the slightest provocation, he was not doing well at his job and I had to bear the brunt of all his anger. I could not see my kids also undergoing the same life, so I had to leave him. I have started my boutique here and doing financially pretty well.


Sometimes I really feel what my life would have been if I were with you. I still remember during the initial days of our friendship, I used to call everyday and you never even once told me not to call, the rings you used give at my home so that I can call you back, the late night phone calls, that was so much fun. I still have the letters you gave when you had proposed me, the arrangement you had done on my birthday. That was the best birthday I had ever. Life was so much fun when you were around. That was a different life altogether. Sometimes we make such terrible mistakes for which we repent for the rest of our lives. Iam glad you have quit smoking and drinking. But I am making a humble request to you to please get married. You are a wonderful guy and don’t deprive yourself this bliss. I can tell you for sure whichever girl comes into your life will be very lucky. I wish I could come to India and get remarried to you but I think you deserve someone better than me, someone who will understand you which I failed to do. Just for my sake get married Ajay, I know you love me and so do I, but I also know your love wont change for me if you get married to some one else. Do not punish yourself because of me. Sometimes destiny plays its role and we have to accept it. You will always occupy a special place in my heart. Someday when I come back to India we will meet up and hopefully by that time you will have a beautiful wife and some kids. I don’t know if I will be able to write a letter again to you, so do not forget me Ajay, I am missing you alot; and whenever you get married just make sure to inform me so that I can tell your wife what a wonderful guy you are and how lucky she is to have him. Take care and God bless!!”


He was 45 now and still a bachelor. People had persuaded him to get married, but the thoughts of being with another woman just did not appeal to him. Ajay had all the comforts the world could offer, but his love for Nazia had not diminished 1 bit. All these years he used to observe Ramzan by keeping fast for 30 days and pray for his love with all devotion he had so that she experienced happiness at each step of her life, even at the cost depriving himself one.
His hands now moved over the areas of the letter which had been once wet with his tears, now dried with time. In the last 18 years, he had lost many things in life. What he did not lose was this letter. Her first and last letter to him. Her letter that he had read everyday like a bible for the last 18 years without fail.